Proverbs 16:7, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Do not say, 'Why were the old days better than these?' For it is not wise to ask such questions... Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad consider: God has made the one as well as the other, therefore a man cannot discover anything about his future." -Ecclesiastes 7:8-10, 13-14I could probably preach you a sermon on these verses, but instead, I'll stick to their personal importance to me. These verses are highlighted, underlined, boxed, and flagged in my Bible, and serve as an Ebenezer (see Joshua 4 on that) for a time of crucial decision for me in high school. Seriously, until you're a high school senior, how often does a high schooler look ahead to her future? Unless it's a Wednesday afternoon physics class, and you're just passing time until the Friday night game... it's rare. But towards the end of my sophomore year, that's what I had to do. Look ahead. The fighting and arguing was increasing by the day at my mom's house where I was living, and I was depressed, and unhappy. I began to consider moving in with my dad's family, knowing there was less fighting, and I'd be happier there. But, there were still a lot of things to consider: I'd be switching schools; I had to graduate from that new school, I couldn't move back; I'd be giving up orchestra, since there was no orchestra program at the new school; I'd have to start over and make all new friends, besides the ones from my church; I'd have to say a lot of goodbyes without knowing when we'd see each other again. For a high school sophomore, that's HUGE! Also during this time, I was beginning to understand what a real relationship with Christ looked like, and began praying and seeking God more. At the beginning of the summer, these verses in Ecclesiastes 7 came to me one afternoon as I was reading. God clearly didn't give me an answer as to whether I should stay or move, but it reassured me that God is in control, that He's bigger than me, that He can straighten out what I make crooked. It showed me that God brings us to crossroads such as the one I was at, and He makes multiple paths, so that we cannot see or begin to understand our future... so that we FULLY RELY on Him to lead us where we ought to go.
In the end, I chose to stay with my mom, feeling that orchestra and band were too important to give up, and remained living there until I graduated high school. I couldn't see that far ahead at the time, but looking back from here to then, that turned out to play a HUGE role in my life. I couldn't be where I am in music without having stayed in an orchestra. God used that to further the talents HE HAS GIVEN ME. How awesome is that?!?
God dreams bigger than I can or will, to use my life for His purpose. I can have big dreams and goals for my life, but in the end, if they do not reflect the glory of God and His Son, if they do not line up with His purpose and goal for my life, then they do not matter, and will not amount to anything. My dreams and goals may seem big and outlandish when I communicate them to others, but compared to God's they are like an ant on the side of a mountain.
Recently, I read this verse and was again reminded of God's dreams versus mine, and how He has a greater purpose and dream for me:
At this time last year, I was busily applying to graduate schools, applying for my teaching license, graduation, and TEACHING JOBS. Grad school to me was just a back up at the time; I was mainly looking at jobs in Colorado - I loved it there, and was ready to leave Ohio. In the first week of April, I received a phone call and an email from Kent State University, and was asked to take the Music Education Graduate Assistantship and come to KSU for my Master's. Oh, I'll never forget that conversation with God:
Me: God, I'm ready to get out of here. I'm so ready for the mountains, I see them in my dreams, I see them when I'm awake. They're all I think about. I'm done with Ohio.
God: Kristen, I want you to accept their offer. It's where I want you to be.
Me: But, God (you know when you say that to God you're going to lose, right?)... But, God, what about the mountains? Can I go to grad school in Colorado instead?
God: Kristen, this is where I want you to be. I have things planned for you.
Me: And those things aren't in Colorado? I thought we were done with Ohio. Moving on.
God: Kristen, you may be done with Ohio, but Ohio's not done with you. I'm not done with you in Ohio.
Me: Okay, God... I'll accept.
[God: 23985783948304509; Me: 0]
And so I accepted. And, from April to... oh, probably some time in... January-ish... I sat pondering why the heck I was still in Ohio. But I've been continually reminded through these verses and God's loving voice that my plans are not His, and that He dreams great things for my life that will bring Him glory far beyond what I can see, imagine and dream. I think I'm starting to get a clue as to why now, which leads to new conversations with God about how I'm totally not even CLOSE to deserving of what He might have planned for me. Me, who's sinned and messed up in nearly every way possible in some areas of life... and yet, He wants to bless me and give me great things? Yes, for His glory! He's been dreaming of this for years and years, and I've been completely clueless, lost in my own dreams. But as my dreams change into His, His light shines through like a lighthouse on a dark night, so that anything that happens in my life is only by His glory, love, and grace.
No comments:
Post a Comment