You know, when I finally leave the School of Music, when I put away all my homework and readings, when I leave all the work that I have to do behind... I can finally see again why I wanted to teach music. But, it's only after I get rid of all that.
There's something tragic about the Graduate level of Music Education. Once you leave behind the clinical approach to undergraduate study, and enter the graduate world, you enter this entire world of research and philosophy. And honestly, it's a little grotesque. Don't get me wrong, it's great that people want to study and find ways to more efficiently teach children, and to understand why certain things happen in music teaching that may lead to positive or negative effects. But, when I finally remember what it is about music that's so special to me, I can finally see the devastating effects that all of this unbalanced research in my life is having. The majority of what I do right now is read research reports, and philosophical writings about music.
To me, music has a powerful and mysterious quality about it. It frees my soul and opens it up in such a way that I can clearly hear God when He speaks. Music helps to slightly lessen the burden I carry in life. Music speaks the emotions I cannot verbalize (both instrumental and the lyrics to songs). It helps me connect to nature, which are two of the primary ways in which I connect with God (music and nature). This is why I play so many instruments. To express the deep and intense emotions I cannot verbalize, to speak to God in such a way when words just won't do. There's just something about music that gets to me, that God has woven into the core of my being, my DNA.
When trying to explain how constantly reading research and philosophical writings about music education, and having all of my practice time on my instruments vanish before my eyes due to the constant demands of the assistantship and overly large workload, this was the best I could come up with.
Yes, that is from Disney's Cinderella. The original picture I came up with was some beautiful bird having its feathers plucked out one by one... but I think this scene from Cinderella relates more to a person's feelings.
But, I literally feel like I'm dissecting something mysterious and special. Which, when that happens, leaves absolutely no room for mystery. I watched "Next" this past weekend. Look it up, it's pretty good, minus the line he says to Jessica Biel (which first, to Jessica Biel, is gross and ridiculous... they're 20 years apart!) about "It may be a week or a month, or a year, but if you wait, I'll find you." (not the exact words, but close enough to the cheesyness that was used). Anyway, Cage plays a guy that can see 2 minutes in the future, and refuses to help the FBI. When questioned by Biel as to why he's not helping them, he responds by saying that all the mystery would be gone.
"Every once in awhile what we think is magic is the real deal hiding behind a $50 trick, because the alternative is impossible for others to live with."
Although not as closely linked to my argument as the Cinderella analogy, I think music can be somewhat related. I think the only difference is that music is not hiding, it's out there, and we know of its mystery and power tied to our emotions and souls, but it's like we have to prove that it's all science. It's all part of this brain chemical or that reaction... thus reducing the mystery to science. I honestly think that it's impossible for the elitists out there to live with mystery. It's the same with Christianity and our belief of the Bible, God, and Jesus, and the scientist's resolution to prove that every mystery of God is nothing more than a brainwave or chemical reaction (or a Big Bang, in a few cases).
Or my other favorite, in the case of the music elitist, not only do they write all this research, but they have all these philosophical discussions. One of my "favorites", as of late, is the philosophical discussion about what music is and isn't, and the definitions of aesthetic and musical value. Just in case you don't feel like reading all of these, let me summarize for you that the majority ONLY discuss "classical" music (classical is used here to mean any orchestral, band, or choir music). The majority of our music elitist friends never discuss the folk, rock, blues, etc. music played in bars, at county fairs or fruit/vegetable festivals, or on the streets informally. The majority of these informal gatherings, at least this is what I'm sensing and feeling from all of this, are considered "amateur". And, if discussed at all, they seem to be looked down upon, which means they might not be considered "music" by our philosophical music elitist friends.
Funny how that is, because those types of music are probably what the majority of at least the American population comes into contact with than the classical symphonic band, orchestra, or choir. And our incorrectly deemed "amateur" forms of music possibly speak to the human soul just as much and more than the classical symphony at times. Yet, somehow it's either never mentioned or thrown in the "not music" category by the philosophical music elitist.
I think my biggest question, that often goes unanswered and leaves me feeling quite a bit of angst each week as I have to read more philosophy and research articles, is why can't we just be okay with mystery in our lives? Why can't we just appreciate the mystery that exists in our lives, rather than feeling a need to completely dissect it and tear it apart?
No comments:
Post a Comment