Wouldn't It Be Nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if God worked on our timetable? Sometimes, I think, "God, seriously, if you'd just do [fill in the blank], fix [fill in the blank] in my life... honestly, if you'd just answer these questions, or tell me about that point in the future... it would make this whole 'being content' and 'not worrying' stuff a lot easier." Really, who hasn't thought that?
I think in the past couple of months, God has been teaching me a lot about patience and contentment at NOT knowing stuff. And, wouldn't you know, the exact OPPOSITE is true of the above thoughts. I've felt more freedom, more joy, more focus. What are some of the things I sit around thinking about? Well...
graduate school, conflict and confrontation with others, friendships, sleep, assignments and due dates, failure and burdening others, relationships and marriage...
When I stop focusing on these things it actually frees me up to focus on God more. I ran across this verse today, and although I'm pretty sure it's been quoted a bajillion times, have you ever thought about it like this:

Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts."

In most Bible studies and even sermons I've heard, many point out verse 6, where we're supposed to "take everything to God." Okay, but stop. Wait a minute. How many of us read, and comprehend these two verses all the way to the end? Notice that it also says, "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts." We talk about God giving us peace if we take things to Him, but how many of us have really understood the last part that the peace which ONLY comes from Him will guard our hearts?
So, by praying to God and presenting it before Him, I can allow Him to speak to me about what's going on in life, and what I'm worried about, and give me His peace. This peace will guard my heart from worrying about the things of life, which leaves an open door for Satan to wreck my life with lies and temptations. I've thought so much about Proverbs 4:23, which talks about guarding your heart, especially when it comes to relationships with guys. That usually includes me consciously (and sometimes constantly) paying attention to what I'm saying, how I'm acting, etc. But, according to Philippians, if I just pray and talk to God about those relationships, and give it up to Him, He will give me peace about these areas of life, which will guard my heart. This points out, even more, to me how important communication with God is.

Along with this, I have to actually TRUST God that He's going to come through for me with these things I'm giving to Him "by prayer and petition." I have to trust that He will give me the Godly desires of my heart that I sometimes worry and wonder about. But again, I have to remember: God doesn't work on my timetable. However, if I have the peace of God, and am content with not knowing about the future, etc. and where I am in life, then I am able to TRUST and WAIT on God for His answers. Like that song from Enter the Worship Circle says,

"Wait on the Lord, O my soul, be strong and take heart, be strong, and wait upon the Lord."

(I'm including it, because, ironically enough, as I was writing the first part of this, that song came on my iTunes)

So, as I'm learning to live a healthier life, God has really been showing me in the last few months, that being content with not knowing this second everything He's going to do in my life, how I'm going to get everything done, or what others are thinking, is ultimately going to bring me more peace and guard my heart against the lies and temptations of Satan, and help me live with more joy, freedom, and focus in Him. Or, in short, when I worry, I need to, as the sign above says:

"Stop. Collaborate with God. Then listen to His truth and peace."(see, there was a point to that most epic stop sign all along)

Fun Fact: I still don't understand this "Silly Band" craze. I found one in the dining room the other day. It's in the shape of a rabbit. It's on my wrist right now. I still don't know why. Explanations welcome.

Ouch!

Have you ever had a cut on your hand? I mean, most of us probably have. You slap a Band-Aid on that sucker and move on with life. You think it's healing, and then one day you're cleaning the bathroom or washing the dishes, and you get some chemical in what you thought was a mostly healed cut, and to your surprise (anger, and dismay), it burns like... well, you know. What's your first reaction?
"Hmm... why didn't this heal? What can I do differently?" Do we honestly analyze our wounds like this?
Heck no! I don't know about anyone else, but let's be honest, when that pain shoots through my body, in the words of Alexandria, "I'm about to cuss." That's about how angry and hurt I am when I'm in that kind of physical pain. But, I also get like that sometimes (or, rather, quite a bit) when I'm in emotional pain.
My amazing friend and staffer at Texas A&M, Macie, is one of the most loving and kind people I can probably think of. Her testimony of God's healing in her life is very inspiring to me. She is currently teaching me so much about God's healing power in my life through Theophostics. But really, what are Theophostics? Well, the best definition I've heard so far is: Allowing God to speak truth into areas of pain and lies in one's life. This is a whole new way of thinking... or rather, in this case, feeling, for me, and while the change is slow to come, I feel that this is going to hugely impact my life, and while painful, is necessary for my life.
So, to begin with, let's talk about anger. Anger is usually a secondary emotion, that is visible, while masking the primary emotions that aren't always visible. Okay, I'm about to be really honest here for a minute: I can be a really angry person sometimes. When I was younger, and had red hair, it was blamed on that. Then, it was blamed on being spoiled. Then, it was said that I have a short fuse like one of my parents. But, the question is, which one of these is the reason? I used to think it was all of the above at one point or another, but the real truth is none of them are. Through a lot of talking, and now, a few of my own experiences, I'm really beginning to understand that most of my anger is generally misplaced due to the masking of my primary emotions, and most importantly, my projection of past and unresolved hurt and pain from past experiences that have caused these primary emotions. Here is where Theophostics comes in.
Macie has been teaching me quite a bit about what Theophostics is, how it works, and what happens in a "session" of sorts. The general overview of what happens, is that you are supposed to allow yourself to feel your present emotion (which is generally one of pain), allow it to surface and be intense, and FEEL it. Then, focus on that emotion and find a memory where you also felt that way. Then, look into the lies of it, by asking what that situation said about you, and finally, you ask God what He has to say to you (speaking truth into your life). Now, like I said, this is a whole new way of feeling for me. I'm trying to keep the word "thinking" out of it, because the whole process is about feelings and emotions, and what I believe about myself. My problem is that I like to use logic (some might say I'm a 'logical' person), so as I'm saying stuff out loud, I'm attempting to rationalize everything. But this whole process is completely different. Once I process out loud the lie I'm believing it's super-easy to rationalize it away, by thinking it's irrational that I would think that way. But, that's my mind talking... my heart really does believe that lie, though! And, that's why it's super-important to STOP thinking in order to allow God to speak truth into that lie.
I've been getting frustrated lately, because I do recognize when I do get angry and someone or something, but then it's hard for me to focus on all of that, because I'm too busy trying to rationalize it away. However, tonight, after I had gotten really upset at a friend, and left because I knew I needed some time alone, I was in the perfect place to feel, see, and hear God. And... cue vulnerability.
The lies believed: I am used, I am unloved, I am stupid, I am immature, and I'm definitely not cared about.
Where did it come from? Remembering the fights I had with two friends in high school, and the way I was treated by them during that time.
The healing truth of God:

"I have created you to have emotions and to be sensitive. To feel pain and to express it through crying. People do care about you. They love you and care about you. There is not another you. I have put you in others' lives for you and for them. You are smart, look back to all that you have learned, the knowledge I have given you. I will never use you and throw you to the side. I am using you for great things because I care about you; if I did not create you smart and sensitive I could use you for this purpose and plan. You were created like this because I love you. I love you and I want to spend time with you."

This is true. This is real. Those lies, they were real to me. As real and tangible as the laptop sitting in front of me right now. But, I am SO THANKFUL God can speak even bigger, even better, more beautiful, more tangible, and more loving words of truth into my life to dispell the lies. The peace that I have felt this evening because of God's truth and love and how close He's been to me this evening is beyond all measure.
Theophostics I am learning isn't a one time thing. It's a way of life. And, for someone like me, who has grown up learning to stuff all pain, slap a Band-Aid on, and move on, rather than allowing the Healer to speak truth into and heal my wounds, this is something I desperately desire to become a way of life for me. I may never be completely healed until I reach Heaven, but by allowing God to speak truth into my past wounds and heal them, I may have a better shot at the bigger desires God has for my future, like marriage, a teaching job, children, ministry.

Both pictures were taken on my last hike to Bluebird Lake. The first picture is the remains of the 1978 Ouzel Fire, but the second shows that as this deadened part of the forest recovers, new life springs forth, like the Indian Paintbrush wildflower in the picture.

Fun Fact(s): When we hiked Bluebird Lake, we unnecessarily hiked an extra 4 miles because we accidentally parked at the Sandbeach Lake trailhead then walked 2 miles down to the Wild Basin trailhead. Total miles hiked that day (including the parking fail): 17. We also saw a black bear cub, 3 waterfalls, 2 other lakes, a marmot, a camera-loving chipmunk, and a ptarmigan on the trail that day. Pictures on Facebook.

Since when...

Okay, after a failed attempt at making a new blog on a site I didn't like, I can say for certain...
Another one checked off.

I have a bit of a summer "to-do" list you might say, that included: "Creating a cool blog and actually keeping up with it." Well, now that I've created it and "cooled it out", I suppose it's time to write in it. And keep up with it. But seriously...

Since when do I have a blog? Since when do I journal my thoughts for the world to read?
Good question. I usually don't. But, I figure, God's really taught me throughout my undergraduate career (hah, I get to say that now! Way cool! I'm still getting used to it) to be more open with people. And, well, I've been having some GREAT conversations, about God, coffee, and life out here in the mountains... so I figured it was a reasonable summer goal.

I've had a lot of "since when's" already this week, I think. You've already heard two. But here's a couple more:
Since when do I hike 17 miles in 1 day and then go camping straight afterward?
Since when do you meet someone from Washington Twp. who knows where Bill's Donuts is in Centerville and works at Kind Coffee?
Since when do you meet 2 men in said coffee shop that graduated from BGSU in 1963 and were roommates their first year in Williams Hall?

But, even bigger: Since when did God decide to use me to teach and lead others?
After co-teaching with Sharon our first workshop this week, I'm still amazed both that God would even use me in the first place to teach, and that it would actually be effective to change lives. We're being serious here, right? In nearly every spiritual gifts test I've taken in college I usually score highest in areas of administration, encouragement, hospitality, then leadership, and, depending on the version, areas of the arts (music, etc.). But, teaching? Nah, that's never been up very high (which is a little ironic considering I have a degree and licensure to teach, right?). In the past, I've enjoyed planning our Fusion Bible studies, and talking about the topics, but the area of teaching is usually reserved for those in our core planning with the gift and ability to do so. I enjoy leading small group discussions, lifegroups, core groups... you know, things that require more discussion and participation from all than teaching, which usually requires one person, being the teacher to talk and well, teach, and for everyone else to listen and take notes and such.Yet, that's what I'm up to with Sharon every Sunday night from last week to August 1, 9:00PM-10:30PM.
It's somewhat been on my heart to teach a women's workshop since March when Hoops sent out the email to all LT staff and interns for workshop ideas, but knowing that the staff from BG/Kent was all male, and having a fear of teaching it, I dismissed it pretty quick. Then, when more workshops were needed, the idea and heart for the topic of a woman's identity in Christ and the sins and struggles she faces came back. So, after talking to a few women on staff at Texas A&M, some quick planning, and a few emails later, Sharon and I had our workshop: The Secret Life of Women.
What amazed me was afterward last Sunday, when some of the women in LT were thanking us for all our Scripture references, talking about the sins and struggles they're currently dealing with, and what our testimonies and teachings meant to them, and when even one girl said she was going to take the handout with all the Scripture references and notes and really study it and pray over it this week because of how much it meant to her.
Whoa, God can use me like that? Use us like that? All week it felt like Sharon and I were just sharing life together, sharing our testimonies with each other, sharing verses that really impacted our lives, talking about how amazing God's freedom is and what it meant in our lives. And then we just shared that with these women... and it's already impacting lives. This is NUTS!

This is the prayer I journaled and prayed on April 21 as I dedicated this summer:

"I am dedicating my Summer 2010 to serving God, serving others, and allowing my life to be an example to other of love, leadership, faith, and service. I ask God to use me this summer and to transform lives and perform miracles in my life and the lives of others through His grace, mercy, and unashamed love for us."

I've seen and heard God answer a lot of prayers, but it still amazes me every time I journal a prayer and then I see Him answer it in some ridiculous and mind-blowing way. In a later blog, hopefully, I can share some more of my prayers for the summer and for the LT program and all our students, staff and interns.

And, that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes my first post to this blog. Success.

Also, hopefully, to be included in each post will be a fun fact (unless it's way too serious to warrent it), most likely about me, not to be self-centered, but for people to get to know something weird or fun about me. So, since we are currently at Kind Coffee:

Fun Fact: My favorite thing to get at Kind Coffee is a double-iced Milky Way with whipped cream. And now you know.